Study hard. Keep your grades up. Starting next year, you’re gonna want to take two A.P. classes a semester if you want to get into a decent college. And your aunt Sue is kinda lazy when it comes to personal hygiene. So you may have to be the one to remind her when it’s time to get your eyebrows waxed or get your hair cut, but eventually, she’ll get the routine down. Oh, this might sound random, but wear underwear with pantyhose. I know it might feel a little bulky, but honestly, it’s a little slutty not to, and also, that’s how you get yeast infections. And marry a kind man, one who’s nice to his mother. Now if he lives with his mother, you run the opposite way.
-Mom I’m not getting married anytime soon.
You will someday, and when that day comes, just have one glass of champagne and then you drink water for the rest of the night because there’s nothing tackier than a drunken bride.
Look at me. This is important. This one is - is really the important one. Someday, you’re gonna have a baby. And you’re gonna feel overwhelmed by this little life that you’re responsible for. And you’re gonna think - worry that everything you do is wrong, and that’s normal. You’re gonna obsess about what to feed it and where to send it to school and whether it should take violin or piano. But I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. It doesn’t matter. Whether your kid is a concert pianist or a math genius, it just doesn’t matter. Because at the end of the day, all that matters is if your kid is happy.
i almost don’t want to click “view all 5 comments” and ruin the mystery of how spaghetti turned into that
stereotypes against white people are not dangerous at all. no one is out here stopping and frisking you guys for liking starbucks and chipotle. meanwhile, black teenagers suspected of being “thugs” and “threats” are slain on sight so please calm the fuck down and learn how to take a joke
IM WHITE AND I 100% SUPPORT THIS
I think part of the reason im so into bands and shows and movies and books is because i rather just fill myself with those things than admit that im really lonely and not happy and want to cry most of the time.
this is the most accurate description of my life i’ve ever seen